Somewhere between Martha Stewart and Pinterest, this generation of Mothers inherited the notion that our homes need to be spotless and we need to be REALLY good at... everything. In this particular instance, I'm going to assert that feminism has not been an entirely healthy concept. Stay with me. Feminism tells us that we, as women, can do ANYTHING! We can run a business and have a "Better Homes" household, we can cousel our children and fill up their cup, and we can be the lovers that once dazzled the pages of paperbacks. We.can.do.it.all.
...but do we really want to it all?
I don't.
I want to be a teammate with my spouse. I want to be a sister to my friend. I want to support a local business. I'd rather not label and canister my baking supplies, in coordinated fashion.
There's a mom, a parent on my kid's tball team. I dubbed her "supermom". She clearly logs some healthy time at the gym. She is always smiling. Her toes are recently polished. Her lulumeon attire is of the latest season. She helps out. She looks rested. Her car doesn't have children's treasures falling out when the side door opens. For all appearances, she's got it all. We all know that lady. Sometimes we love her, sometimes we hate her, because that's what women are told is appropriate, right?!?? When I took some time to o chat with her, tough, I learned that she has time to contribute because she was recently let go at work. The company downsized and her job was eliminated. No fault of her own, but now she is an unexpected stay at home mom. She feels like a failure for not helping her family, financially. Amazingly, she looks like an overwhelming success to the rest of the world!
This last week was one of those weeks with so many commitments and important functions that my mommy brain felt like it may very well pop off.
I worked in logistics for over a decade before I earned my mom certificate. I can say, with absolute confidence, that the last seven days in my household required as much coordination and planning as I could muster and that is no small compliment. I didn't think I had enough mental capacity to get my family through it, but we all survived! The laundry is on its third cycle, the floors have been mopped, summer haircuts care in motion, and I have a luke warm cup of coffee on hand, as I type. *Bonus* summer is now upon us!!!!
Today, I raised my voice at my kid, though. In earlier chapters of parenting, I would have felt wholeheartedly deflated for that. I wasn't a perfect mom. I snuggled my kids in the early morning, made them a healthy breakfast, read with them, and built castles of chemical free, sustainably raised, organic wooden blocks (kidding). We laughed and made a list of the things we want to do together this summer, "ride a train, write a letter to our favorite author, visit with friends, and campout...", but if I take that one moment, where I raised my voice and I put it under a microscope, all of the beautiful relationship building that I've done dissipates.
The truth is, we learn from time spent with one another, but when we are so busy cleaning and polishing, labeling and supporting our local Home Goods store, we sometimes neglect to spend time in one another's company. Equally as important as space and time with our own thoughts, time spend with moms "in the trenches" shape how we navigate the hurdles and celebrate the milestones. The journey is so much sweeter when we share it. The hurdles are so much less daunting when we can laugh about them together.
Ladies, skip the dusting and invite a friend over for tea. She won't see the tumbleweed dustballs and you'll probably be able to laugh a little easier after the visit.
In Christ.
Jess